I'm Back, but Traffic Was Killer

Hey I'm back, sorry about that, but I feel a lot better now. I really can not believe that this whole stream of events came from my mother marrying my murderous uncle, I mean why couldn't she just stay faithful to my father? I tried to point this out to her and do you know what she did? She kissed me, I mean I know that I'm her son ans everything, but come on, that is an odd why to try and end a fight isn't it? I can tell you it calmed me down, until the ghost showed up again, then everything just went out the window. He told me to tell my mother not to sleep with my uncle any longer, and I that that she thought that I was crazy. She seemed to listen to me after my mother calmed down, but I am worried that she will betray me.. I guess we will just have to wait and see. In the meantime I am going to have to find a way to avoid the punishment that I will receive for killing Polonious.

My only love... gone..

A graveyard is such an...interesting place, isn't it? So many different people, lives, ones with such different ideas...all ending up in the same place. Why, in my recent visit along with my friend Horatio I saw the skull of my father's court jester, Yorick, dust and all. He had always been so cheerful...ironic how someone full of joy ends up in a place surrounded by nothing but darkness. Though, soon enough I found that Yorick was not the only one I cared for in the graveyard. I saw a funeral about to take place so I hid with Horatio nearby. My mother, my uncle, and oddly enough, Ophelia's brother had been there. I listened for a brief moment, discovering the unthinkable: Ophelia is dead. Why, WHY did it have to be her?! Why couldn't I have taken her place? I know I have acted poorly to her recently but.. I still love her. Her brother tried attacking me when I went near the grave; he doesn't understand! I loved her even more then he did, I would think.. I didn't mean for things to end this way. Ophelia was shoved into this entire plot and her death is all my fault! But no more; I'll settle my revenge now, once and for all.

Meeting with Mom

I never meant to kill Polonias...but I thought that he was my uncle trying to eaesdrop on the meeting between my mother and I. Of course I had thought that if it was him maybe because he was just waiting to go to bed with my mother, and I said I would only kill him if he was doing something like drinking, or when he was in bed with the wife that he stole. I thought that if I had the chance to kill him I should take it. Though I'm not that upset that he died, the old windbag. Hey I need to go to McD's the stress of this whole thing is killing me.

Inaccurate Murder?

I have taken yet another large step. A while after the incident with the play, I went to go see my mother after being summoned. I wasn't entirly sure why she wanted to see me, and when I had entered her room, just before I really began to talk to her, I heard something behind a curtin. I thought for sure that it was my uncle; unfortunatly though, I had...been mistaken. Polonius, Ophelia's father, was the one hiding. I...I didn't mean for him to die; caught in the middle of it, I suppose. Ophelia will be distrought when she finds out....In any case my mother started to question me-and I snapped. I began telling her everything about Cladius; that she shouldn't trust him, that my father had been a true king, and that she shouldn't sleep with him anymore. She just looked at me like as if I was a madman, and she probably thought I really was mad after I had finally stoped. Reason being, I had seen the ghost. He was just standing there...looking at me. He told me to not loose focus on what I was supposed to be doing. I had asked my mother if she had seen him at all, but no; she saw nothing. So now...I must leave. I need to find a place to hide that body...

My uncle IS a murderer!

My plan has proven to succeed perfectly! The ghost had been true all along. With my little.. addition, to the Mouse Trap play, I know for a fact that my uncle had killed my father. During the scene where the king in the play went to sleep, my uncle became nervous; when the poison was pored into the king's ears, my uncle fled the room in a panic! I couldn't contain myself after that, I jumped up and yelled to him while he fled. Though my mother seemed a little concerned after that... never the less! I soon left the room myself to go avenge my father's death. When I had come across my uncle, he had, unfortunately, been praying for forgiveness, this more than anything proves his guilt. I would have dealt with him right there, but... I began to think. Wouldn't he be forgiven for praying? When I kill him would he not be sent to heaven? What would be the point in murdering him when he wouldn't even get the pain he deserves? I wasn't sure; so I have decided to wait once again. Maybe when he is drunk... though I promise, the next time I get the chance, he won't be as lucky.

I'm not exactly sure about this whole... living... thing...

To live, or not to live; there lies my uncertainty.
Is it more noble to continue living in agony
within the everyday troubles of life
or to go against my woes
and by going against them, force them to cease. To cease living, to rest;
To no longer live, and no longer living end
the pain and the never ending sufferings
that humans are subjected to- a union
that is predestined. To cease living, to rest;
to rest, and maybe yearn. Ha! There's the irony.

If I am no longer living, what can I desire
if I am no longer on this Earth?
There's the admiration
that makes living so long a tragedy
because who would want to live through the torment
throughout the globe, the egotistic man’s discourtesy,
the pain of unreturned love, the slow process of law,
the ill-mannered law enforcement,
and the insults that the submissive suffer
instead of just easing the pain away with a simple stab?
Who would be a creature of obligation,
worn and fatigued,
if it wasn’t for the wavering thought of life after death
– an unknown world where
travelers do not return – and it makes us uncertain,
and we choose suffering,
rather than soar into the unknown?
Our intelligence makes us sissies,
And it’s why our willpower (normally strong and healthy)
seems bleak through all our over thinking.
Because of this, even our most important actions lose force.

I have taken the first steps to avenging my murdered father, if he was indeed murdered. I am contemplating whether or not I should kill my dear uncle, but I do not even know if the ghost that visited me was really that of my father. I have contrived a plan to test the validity of the story that this apparition has feed me. I have invited a troupe of actors to the castle to perform The Murder of Gonzago, plus I have fed them some of my own lines to make the story a bit more familiar. I have arranged the plot to mirror the death of my father, and as my uncle watches this spectacle I will observe his reaction, for he cannot see a murder that he has committed, and have absolutely no reaction.
Also I have begun to act with an antic disposition and am starting to see the fruits of this interesting plan. Surely no one will suspect me of any suspicious behavior in my mental state, or at least the mental state that they see me in! Polonius visited me today, I can imagine that it was because of my strange behavior around his daughter, and my love Ophelia. Though I am not positive that this was the true reason for his visit. It was entertaining to say the least, they all really do think I am a nut job. In fact I believe that the arrival of my friends Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern, happened to engineered by my mother and uncle to try an discern what may be wrong with me. Though they claim that they have good intentions I suspect that there is something wrong with those intentions.